One of the hardest decisions you might have to make as a parent of autistic twins, triplets or more is whether to keep them together in the same classroom, or even the same school.

When you found out you were having multiples, you probably imagined all of the things your children would do together – going to school, driving a car, graduating, etc.  Treating your children as individuals is so important, but perhaps even more some when one or all of them are autistic.  And sometimes that means they will not be in the same classroom, but will depend on a variety of factors such as their individual needs, abilities, and preferences, as well as the resources and support available at the school. Recent studies have shown that keeping twins together in the same classroom generally results in positive behaviors and outcomes for twins.

Looking at autistic twins, triplets and quadruplets specifically, results from our 2024 survey showed that 84% of autistic multiples attended the same school. However, 62% of multiples were in different classrooms and just 25% of multiples were in the same class all of the time. So what are some of the reasons for keeping them together or separating them?

Keeping them together

For some multiples, being in the same classroom is the ideal situation. The comfort of a familiar face in a new environment can be a powerful anchor for an autistic child. They can provide each other with crucial emotional support, acting as a “safe person” in a sea of new faces. This shared experience can make the overwhelming social landscape of school more manageable, helping them navigate hallways, find the cafeteria, or simply have a quiet, reassuring presence during a stressful moment.

This shared bond can also foster social interaction. Twins often develop their own unique communication styles, a sort of twin language or shorthand. This can be a significant advantage in a classroom setting where they can practice social skills and engage with a partner who understands their specific communication needs. They might even act as peer models for each other, inspiring healthy competition or simply providing a foundation for shared learning and growth. One twin’s interest in a topic might spark their sibling’s curiosity, and a positive learning dynamic can emerge.

Beyond the emotional and social benefits, there are also significant logistical advantages for parents. Managing school schedules, teacher conferences, and a seemingly endless stream of emails can be a full-time job. With twins in a single classroom, you have a single point of contact. This can drastically simplify communication, make scheduling meetings easier, and ensure a more consistent routine, which is an invaluable benefit for any autistic child.

Keeping them apart

While the idea of keeping your children together is appealing, separating them can often be the best way to meet their individual needs. Many autistic children require a high level of individual attention and support. In a separate classroom, a teacher can provide more one-on-one instruction and implement tailored interventions without having to divide their focus. An education plan, such as an Individualized Education Program (IEP, US) or Educational Health and Care Plan (EJCP, UK) can be more effectively executed when the teacher is solely focused on one child’s specific goals.

Separation also addresses the critical issue of co-dependency. When twins are always together, they may rely on each other to an extent that prevents them from developing independent coping mechanisms and social skills. They might look to their sibling to answer questions, handle social interactions, or deal with sensory overload, rather than learning to do so on their own. By placing them in different classes, you encourage each child to build their own unique friendships and discover their own independent identity, which is crucial for long-term development and success.

Another powerful argument for separating them is to prevent direct comparison. Even with the best intentions, teachers, peers, and even the twins themselves can’t help but compare their developmental progress or academic performance. If one twin learns to read more quickly or has an easier time with social cues, it can create a silent pressure or even resentment in the other. This can be particularly difficult for the non-autistic twin in a neurodiverse sibling pair.

The non-autistic child in a shared classroom may inadvertently be tasked with a caregiver role, being asked by the teacher or expected by peers to “help” or “watch over” their autistic sibling. While born from a place of care, this can cause the non-autistic child to miss out on their own social development and learning opportunities. They may feel the emotional burden of their sibling’s struggles, experiencing stress or anxiety while watching them have a meltdown or a hard time with a task. It’s vital that the neurotypical child is given the space to be just that—a child—with their own needs, friends, and developmental journey.

In some cases, the best decision may be to enroll your children in entirely different schools. For example, if one child has more intensive needs, a school with a dedicated special education program might be a far better fit than a mainstream environment, while their sibling might thrive in a traditional school. While this can feel like a heartbreaking decision, it is ultimately a deeply loving one—one that prioritizes what is truly best for each child.

A framework for your decision

So, how do you make this incredibly personal choice? Start by shifting your focus from “what are my twins’ needs?” to “what are each of my twins’ needs?”

1. Assess Each Child Individually: Consider their personality, learning style, and specific support needs. Do they thrive on predictability or do they enjoy new experiences? Do they get overwhelmed easily, or do they seek out new social interactions? What are their sensory preferences?
2. Communicate with the School: Schedule a meeting with the principal, special education coordinator, and prospective teachers. Discuss your children’s profiles and ask for their honest opinion. A good school will be a partner in this decision, not just a place where you send your children.
3. Consider a Trial Period: If possible, ask the school to place them in the same class with the understanding that they can be separated if it doesn’t work out. This can give you the flexibility to see how they adapt.
4. Look Long-Term: Remember that the goal is to set your children up for long-term success and independence. A hard decision now that separates them might lead to a future where they are both happier, more confident, and more successful individuals.

Ultimately, your decision should be based on a thorough understanding of your children as two separate people, each with a unique path to follow. What has your experience been like? Did you separate your autistic twins or keep them together? Share your experiences in the comments below.

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